For the first time in my entire life, I’ve joined a gym. There is one right across the street from my new firm so it is very convenient. One of the perks (perhaps the only perk) was a free consultation with a personal trainer. I’ve never been to a personal trainer before, so as I headed over to they gym, I was pretty nervous. I was expecting a high-pressure sales routine, like the only possible way for me to understand the gym or its equipment was to pay the trainer $5 zillion dollars a minute three times a week for him to explain it to me.
Before the workout, we started with a ‘health assessment.’ I was told I have great muscle tone, and am in great shape. The trainer kept telling me, ‘oh I can tell you are a runner and work out, you’re in great shape’ ‘you’ve got a nice low heart rate– that’s great!’ So I was feeling pretty inflated and responded with things like “Why yes I AM in great shape, thank you” and ‘I am a triathlete you know.’ Then came the body fat assessment and that’s when it all went plummeting down hill. He pinched my fat, of which there is plenty, then *gasp* weighed me. The jerk! He then looked at me sadly as if delivering the news that I have a terminal condition, and said, “I’m sorry your body fat is, well your body fat—it’s poor.” He then slid the chart across the table to me, with my profile circled just in case there was any doubt. I exclaimed “WHAT!?!?! How can my body fat possibly be poor? I mean I have plenty of it—that has to be good! It does everything it is supposed to do—it jiggles well, it sits around being fatty—I mean honestly, trainer what more do you want from my fat!!!”
He then very very gently suggested I lose 10lbs. To which I graciously responded, “NO WAY—I love eating…it’s one of my very favorite things. YOU lose 10 pounds! Maybe YOUR body fat is poor—what does your body fat do? Tricks!” (I’m very mature in these types of situations.)
Anyway, I’ve come to grips with my ‘poor fat’ and am now sadly on a diet. Farewell, cookies! Farewell, chocolate! Farewell, wine and cheese! Farewell! I will see you all in 10 pounds, but until then I will miss you. I miss you already!
PS—if you catch me eating any of the above recently banned foods, please tackle me down and wrestle the offending food away from me.
2 comments:
aww! well, good luck with this :). I've still never joined a gym.
Hey, if it's only the one session, I say you're off the hook. Kidding. When I wean Keves in two months the breastfeeding diet will be over so I'll be joining you on the healthy eating train.
Post a Comment